My grandmother is in the final stages of her life right now, she's getting ready to go home to see the Lord and her husband. It's been a difficult journey, I wish I could say she's hasn't been suffering and in horrible pain but that just isn't the truth. This is so hard for me because I want her with us always, but I also want her soul and her body to be at rest and at peace. I will miss her so much, I will cherish and hold onto so many great memories; I will sing "Tura-Lura-Lura" a little more often to my kids at night before bed, I will dust off my tea-cup collection and drink a cup of tea and think of her (I always adored looking at her collection), I will be proud of the amount of books I have in my home (her home always had a lot of good reads), I will wear something magenta (her favorite color) Come Thanksgiving, I will miss her so much that it aches, but I will make a special effort to always make Thanksgiving special and have mexican food the night before as tradition would always have it.
I'm finding myself crying at the drop of a hat this week, anything does me in. But I am finding God's graces and His subtle ways of reminding me of His love. My eucharisteo list of things I'm thankful for...
Grilling Kabobs in the back with my family
and watching the way my kids eat them with gusto.
Making a strawberry pie from fresh strawberries,
relishing the taste.
Feeling every kick and squirm from Isabella,
feeling a foot stick way out and getting to
give it a tickle.
Sharing this with the kids and having them
Ooooo and ahhhh whenever she moves.
Folding tiny baby clothes and teensy socks,
Being blessed by the women in my church,
their fellowship, their laughter, their advice,
sharing their sorrows, pain and frustration,
realizing God designed me to be a woman too.
Sweet voicemail from one friend, pouring refreshment
to my soul with her encouragement.
My mama's and sister's voices on the phone,
I am just like them you know.
My sister shares photo's of a garden with me,
she knows my soul. She knows that pretty garden
pictures heals a part of my soul that is hurting right now.
Watching my husband wrestle with all three of my sons,
hearing their giggles and laughter, their grunts as they try
and pull Daddy down. My daughters and I laughing as
the baby boy's facial expressions of "toughness" are just
too hilarious for words.
Rolling over in bed at night and feeling for my husband's
arm. He is there. He gives me a comforting pat-pat on my
shoulder. He understands just how much I need him right
now and that a pat-pat is a safe harbor for me. He is there.
He sees my face, that it's not quite right, that it is sad and he
says "thinking about your Grandma?" and I nod my head yes,
and he says "I love you", and it's all I need to hear. I love him too..
I pour over Psalms and verse after verse seem to jump out at
me, like it's written just for me.
I hear the song "I will Arise and Go to Jesus" and I think
about heaven and eternity and the beauty of no more pain,
no more sadness, no more sin.
How awesome, how beautiful, how glorious!
I think about Grandpa, that Grandma is coming to join him soon,
and together they are the bride of Christ,
in glorious robes, in bright array,
faces glorifying their Savior.